The process of creating a human being seems ridiculous. Not only is incredibly difficult to grow one, but then caring for one is even more so. But every person walking around was born from a mother and raised by other humans. Someone sacrificed a lot of time and their concept of normality in favor of nurturing another person. It's just...astounding.
That being said, Bluma and I are doing well. Most days go like this:
6-7am up for the day, eating
diapers, play time, and fussing (she's pretty cranky in the morning)
9am eating again
diaper, fussing, playing
11am eating again
11:30am-1:30pm NAP!
(I eat lunch and try to do some quiet excercising during this time)
2pm diaper, eating, fussing, playing
4pm eating, fussing, diaper, nap
5pm cook dinner
6pm eating, diaper, fussing...fussing...FUSSING
7pm, 8pm and sometimes 9pm eating
9:30pm-2am sleeping
2am-3am diaper, eating, burping, rocking
3am-6am sleeping
and then it obviously starts over again
It's not bad most days, somedays though she gets very difficult and isn't happy doing anything.
I think one reason being a mother, especially a younger mother, is hard is what it does to you physically. In your early 20s you're not ready to look like a mom. You're not ready to resign yourself to permanent stretch marks, weeks without having time to do your hair or makeup, and a muffin top that is taking its sweet time to shrink back into your waist.
Maybe I'm just vain, but I'm not ready to have the body of a sterotypical mom. I want my old body back! The body that could rock a bikini and low rise, skinny jeans. I can squeeze into some of my pre-baby clothes but the result ain't pretty.
I grew tired of waiting out this transitional period in my maternity jeans that I caved and went to a local upscale consignment shop and bought a pair of Seven jeans. They make me feel a little better, but far from great. Luckily, my husband is very supportive and reminds me all of the time that he thinks I'm beautiful and that it's normal for it to take awhile to get back into shape.
...and that's all I've got.
Marissa, I appreciate your candor here, and I know most mothers reading this will understand exactly what you're talking about. Being a good mother to an infant often feels like you must submerse your entire identity and energy into those demands. I think it's very important to eke out moments in every day that are only for you. It's not selfish. On the contrary, it's healthy and necessary. And what I'm going to say here is probably something you know, but it bears saying anyhow. Years from now, you're going to remember this time with Bluma, you're going to look through the photos, and what you're going to think is not that you looked too plump, or you had too much of a muffin-top, but how precious and wonderful this time with Bluma really, really was.
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