I tried not to look this time when I stepped on to that dreaded scale, but for some reason I did. Stupid mistake. Big dumb stupid mistake. I'm not sure I have the guts to say how much weight I've gained so far...sigh...but I will. It's not a pride, thing, there's no "I am Momma, hear me roar!" type of gusto to it. I just want other women to know that it happens.
I've gained 25 lbs.
Yup...25 big ones. I don't even know what that means for how much I'll gain total. I'm coming to terms with it now but I sat in the doctor's office and bawled. I cried even though I knew it was ridiculous. I cried even though I know that a pound of that at least is just pure baby. But as for the rest? Well, I don't know exactly. I know that there's a good deal of it that is "fluid." I've doubled the amount of blood in my body -so that's some too. But some of it is just fat, or as What to Expect likes to encourage us to call it, "Maternal Tissue Storage."
My doctor reassured me that I am still at a healthy weight. However, my nightmare of passing 200lbs during this pregnancy is quickly becoming a possibility. I don't know how to handle it. I'm struggling to be confident in this rapidly changing body. I haven't gotten any stretch marks yet, somehow, but I know that chances are those are coming too. I have noticed some nasty spider veins at my knee - I don't think those will ever go away.
If you're brave, you can look at a website that someone recommended to me called http://theshapeofamother.com/ It does have some nudity though, just so you're aware. I thought that looking at the site would help me feel more secure in my body but it honestly just horrified me. Pregnancy is not beautiful folks. That's the cold hard truth of it. But my daughter will be, so I've just got to try and buck up and accept that a baby means a different body.
Here's me at 21 weeks
No comments:
Post a Comment