Trying to be Patient

At my last doctor's appointment the baby was head down. My doctor told me that if I were to go into labor at any point from then on that they wouldn't try to stop it. I know now that it is unlikely that I'll go into labor early. This is my first child and there haven't been any complications that would suggest she'll try and make an early break for it. Despite all of this, the anticipation has become nearly unbearable knowing that she's in position. It is so close and still so far away.

At our childbirth class last night we had the chance to tour the facilities. I saw where I'll be admitted and triaged and where I'll give birth and where we'll recover afterward. They brought out the bassinet that she'll be sleeping in, the incubator where they'll place her to do her Apgar test and we got to see the room where we'll spend our first 48 hours with our daughter. It was so amazing to see it all. My heart filled with an indescribable emotion, I was afraid I was going to start crying. I think it was just a hint of what it will feel like when we're there for the real thing.

I am 34 weeks and a few days now. At the most there are about seven more weeks ahead of me. Hopefully, it'll be less than six. Everyday I look at her room, at her clothes. Touch where she'll sleep. It's so hard to be at this stage. I'm uncomfortable, I'm tired and I'm so anxious.

We have my hospital bag packed and filled with all of the items that I'll need pre and post birth. As the toiletries and postpartum accessories were purchased, Arna began to realize just how much of a mess I'll be afterward. It's intimidating to know that I'll need so much help.

To try and prepare, I've frozen a couple of meals and plan to freeze some more. It's hard with Arna being gluten free. The standard casseroles and pasta bakes just don't work right. I'm afraid the gluten free pastas might disintegrate or congeal or otherwise react in an unforeseen manner if I treat them the same as their gluten ancestors. I guess we'll find out. We can't live off of takeout!

I have dreams about her almost every night. Some of them are sweet and peaceful and some of them are indicative of my anxieties and fears. I wonder if she has any idea how much she's wanted, how she feels so real to me that I miss her even though I've never met her. She has a place. She has a family. She has parents who love her desperately.

I know I'll miss feeling her kicks and squirms and feeling like I can protect her. I'm ready to share her. I'm ready for her to meet her dad.




I've had the opportunity to get her know her better than he has and he's ready to make up for lost time. He's going to be a great father. He already is. He sings and talks to her, strokes my stomach when she gets too rowdy. We read to her and he makes predictions about her personality.

Oh sweet little girl, we hope you arrive soon and in perfect health.